I can’t believe 4 years have passed since you left me. To this day, I
haven’t mastered the art of coming to terms with you being gone. Your grandkids
are something else; by the way, Lil Marvin has made you a Great-Grandmother and
Ash is about to give you your 2nd great-grandbaby! I still remember the
last time I saw you, 2 days before you passed; you were so at peace. Now that I’m
grown and have made my fair share of mistakes; I can honestly say, “I
understand Mama”. For so long I judged you by the same standards that I have
failed at as a father. I was too quick to lash out at you, not knowing the
emotional beating you had already taken from men who didn’t love you. Because
of your alcoholism, I ran so far from you that I made a complete 360 degree
turn and became what I despised the most; an alcoholic parent. It took some time but I understand the
reasoning behind giving my brother and me to Granny. What you lacked in Motherly
Instincts, you knew that Granny could provide for us and you didn’t want us to
suffer. Two days before you passed, I
felt honored to take care of you and watch as you prepared yourself to humbly leave
this life. My only regret was:
Not having this conversation with you, before you passed. Mama I love
you.
If your mama is still alive, grab her by the hand and grant
forgiveness if needed, ask for it, if you have offended. Look her in the eyes
and say, “Thank you for having me, you could have had an abortion”. What am I
trying to say? Miss your mama before you miss your mama. Don’t end up writing a
letter on this side, while she is on eternity’s side.
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