I can
remember at age 9, I was curious about sex
At age 10, I
was dry humping, you know, the “oochie coochie”
At age 12, I
wanted some vagina
At age 13, I
got some vagina
From age
13-40, I kept getting vagina
But what I
really wanted was for someone to love me for me. Sounds good Huh? In order for
me to be loved by someone, I needed the courage to be vulnerable.
The problem
with that was for my whole life, my concept of being a man was the inability to
show weakness or vulnerability. Get this, for discipline my uncles would punch
me in the chest and say, “You better not cry!” As if I would crack a wider
smile with every blow to my chest. I was having sex but wanted to be loved; not
for what I did or had, but for me! What I wanted was INTIMACY
So at age
40, I made one of the hardest decisions of my life; which was to be vulnerable.
For the first time in my life, I allowed another human to look into me. Was it
hard? Yes because what if they left me? What if what they saw, was a complete
turnoff? What if what they saw, was more dysfunctional than anything they ever
saw? What if what they saw, was me being inadequate in all facets of being a
man? BUT, would the chance
at being loved for nothing other than being me, be worth the risk? The answer
was, YES and for the first time, my
wife was able to look IN-To-Me- See;
or let me put it another way; I experienced Intimacy
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